


Spystuck

by Jana



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Cosplay, Homestuck - Freeform, International Fanworks Day 2016, Kismesissitude, M/M, Post-SPECTRE, Q as Feferi Peixes, cross-dressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 13:19:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6007687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jana/pseuds/Jana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the disaster that was the Great SIS Merge and Spectre, Q decides he has earned a vacation. So of course one James Bond, (maybe) former 007, is the first person he bumps into.</p><p>Or, Wherein Bond Romances Feferi Peixes and Q Definitely Doesn't Pity Him. Mutual hate and sexual attraction, on the other hand...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spystuck

It was three months after Blofeld's incarceration and Q was done with committee meetings, board hearings and paperwork. Most importantly he was done with Bond and the speculation that was rife even now. The irritating agent may or may not have left MI6 for good; he hadn't actually formally resigned, which some had chosen to take as a sign that only death would truly retire him. Q advocated decapitating the corpse and a stake through the heart just to be sure it stuck, the next time.

But whether Bond would return or not, Q was definitely taking a holiday. The British corner of the world wasn't ending that week and, he told M, it really wouldn't do for a man in government employ to break the labour laws anyway. He was owed mandatory leave days and now he was cashing seven of those in. There was an upcoming cosplay contest in Edinburgh and it had been forever since Q had participated in one.

"Your department will survive without you for a week, I'm sure. But what is cosplay?" M asked him. And Q could have given him an actual, detailed explanation, but since that tended to leave people staring at him in bemusement anyway, he thought he might as well have some fun.

"We play dress-up in public. I think I'll be a woman, this time," he answered and Mallory's jaw dropped open. He hadn't done that since his promotion and Q was very proud of himself.

"Get me some pictures!" Eve demanded when Q tried the same with her. He thought she might enjoy them a little too much, but promised anyway. He'd always had a soft spot for Eve and after Bonds disappearance - he hadn't even bothered to say good-bye to her - they had bonded over a bottle of whisky and what an arse he was.

They had Bonded. Heh. Q really needed that holiday.

Since he had lately felt like a troll, he might as well dress as one. As he was the Boffin Overlord of MI6 he decided upon the high end of the hemospectrum, and since he was a benevolent overlord, the choice was eventually narrowed down to Feferi Peixes. Few knew it, but Q was almost as handy with a needle and foundation as he was with a blowtorch. Feferi's skirt and black top made for easy sewing, but the make-up job actually challenged him. Still, when he adjusted the wig in front of a mirror and attached the horns and fins, he knew the bother had been worth it. Just a narrow scarf to cover his adam's apple and Q really couldn't be told apart from a woman. He was ready to take Edinburgh by storm.

The contest would begin at four, but the event had opened at twelve o'clock sharp. Q arrived half past two and was immediately dragged into a picture with a decent-looking Slave Girl Leia and a girl in a pink wig and a sailor uniform. They both seemed to assume he really was a woman and Q pitched his voice to alto, betting with himself he could get through the day without anyone being the wiser.

So of course he practically bumped into James Bond of all possible people the moment he turned around.

Bond had a lost look etched around his eyes, subtle though it was, and Q concluded he had probably wandered in out of idle curiosity. Or perhaps he was Madeleine's arm candy; there was no sign of her, but that didn't mean anything yet. Of course Bond saw Q staring at him and flashed a quick grin, approaching him, and Q dreaded to hear what he would say. He wasn't ashamed of his hobby and cross-dressing hadn't made him uncomfortable since he'd been fifteen, but Bond had a way of making him feel like a schoolboy with nary a few words that Q resented.

"Excuse me for staring, miss, but your costume is a wonder. My name is Bond, James Bond," Bond said, offering his hand. Q extended his own out of sheer social conditioning.

"I'm cuttlefishCuller... Feferi Peixes," he said and then it sunk in. Bond _didn't_ recognize him.

Maybe it shouldn't be such a surprise. His bras were good, the same sort women who'd had mastectomy used, his glasses were huge, pink things and the make-up really was heavy. There was some padding around his hips to give them a more feminine sort of curve and Q was quite adept at walking in high heels. Besides, Bond really wouldn't expect to see him here either; assumptions could be such dangerous things. Q's thoughts came to a swift halt when, rather than shake his hand, Bond bowed over it, his lips almost touching Q's gray skin.

"And from which planet have you arrived, Miss Peixes? Or may I presume to call you Feferi?" Bond asked, and from someone else it would have been corny, the same how those ears really wouldn't have suited another man. I guess that, Q thought through the sudden haze of lust, answers the questions about Madeleine. And he was happy because James Bond might be an arse, but he was stupidly alluring one.

"Feferi is quite fine, James," he crooned with smooth alto, giving himself a brief kick. "I'm from Alternia, and the heir to the throne. One day I'll redefine culling! Glub, glub, glub." He was pretty proud of those noises, made deep in his throat, and Bond seemed amused. It only took them seven more trivial lines - four for Bond, three for him - to go from flirting to kissing. It was a distressingly good kiss too, one that went on and on and knotted something tight and hot at the bottom of Q's stomach, fluttered there like a swarm of butterflies.

"I don't pity you, James," he declared once he finally came up for breath, little sparkles dancing around the edges of his vision. "But we might have a grand kismesissitude, don't you think?" Bond had looked confused in the beginning, but then his eyes lit with mischief and anticipation. "Kiss me" was clearly all he got out of that.

"I like the sound of that, Feferi," he said solemnly. And he had been the one to agree so when he bent close for another round of kissing, Q grabbed his nose and twisted as hard he could. And he laughed and laughed because some things were worth gold and pulling one over James Bond wasn't something one did everyday.


End file.
